Guides

Straight answers to what couples actually ask us. Every one of these gets checked once a year, and each shows when it was last looked at.

• A cantor can marry you, and it's a different kind of ceremonyThe difference between a rabbi and a cantor, who can legally officiate, why couples choose a cantor, and what having both actually costs.
• A chuppah is four poles and a piece of cloth, and nearly every choice about it is yoursWhat a chuppah is, where it came from, how different communities use one, what renting or building costs, and whether you need one at all.
• A Jewish wedding ceremony is a set of parts you pick from, not a script you followWhat happens at a Jewish wedding, in the order it usually happens, with every element marked as the choice it actually is.
• Almost none of this is about liturgy, and most of it is about one conversation with a parentHow to handle parents who want a more Jewish wedding than you do, a family that isn't Jewish, and the relative who says they won't come.
• Legally almost anyone can marry you. Jewishly, it depends who you ask.Rabbis, cantors, and independent officiants all marry Jewish couples. What each one brings, what your state requires, and how to pick.
• Most dates are open. Four stretches of the Jewish calendar are the ones officiants turn down.Which dates the Jewish calendar rules out, which officiants actually observe them, and what your options are if your date lands on one.
• Most rabbis won't officiate during Shabbat. A Saturday wedding is still possible.Why Saturday weddings are complicated in Judaism, what "after sundown" means for your timeline by season, and how to find an officiant who will.
• Nobody agrees on what breaking the glass means, and that has always been trueWhy the glass gets broken, why the explanations disagree, what to actually step on so it breaks, and what couples do instead when they skip it.
• Nobody is going to quiz you at a Jewish weddingA guest's guide to a Jewish wedding: what to wear, whether to wear a kippah, what mazel tov means, and what happens at the ceremony and the party.
• Plenty of rabbis officiate interfaith weddings. Here's how to find one.Which movements permit interfaith weddings, why a rabbi might say no, who will co-officiate with a priest or minister, and how to find someone.
• Plenty of rabbis officiate same-sex Jewish weddings. The question is which ones, and you're allowed to just ask.Which movements permit same-sex Jewish weddings, what changes in the ceremony and the ketubah, and how to ask an officiant directly.
• Seven blessings does not mean seven readers. One person can say all of them.What the seven blessings say, why one reader is enough, how to do them in English or Hebrew, and what couples do instead when they skip them.
• The hora is the part of the night your guests will talk about, and the chair lift is optionalWhat the hora is, where the circle dance came from, how long it runs, and how to do it safely or skip the chairs entirely.
• The questions that decide a Jewish wedding booking are not the ones on the generic checklistsThe questions that actually decide a booking for a Jewish or interfaith wedding, why each one matters, and what a good answer sounds like.
• The traditional ketubah text is a legal document about a husband's obligations, and most couples sign something elseWhat a ketubah says, why it isn't a marriage license, who signs it, which texts exist, what one costs, and whether you need one at all.
• What a Jewish wedding officiant actually costsReal fee ranges for rabbis, cantors, and independent officiants, what's included, what gets billed extra, and how to ask about money.
• What an interfaith ceremony actually looks like, minute by minuteA worked running order for an interfaith Jewish wedding, which elements are easy to include, and how to keep it under thirty-five minutes.
• You can have a Jewish wedding without the God partsWhat a humanistic or secular Jewish ceremony includes, who officiates one, how the blessings get adapted, and what to tell family.
• You don't need to belong to a synagogue to find a rabbiHow to hire a rabbi when you're not a member anywhere, whether you have to join, and what independent officiants offer instead.
• Your ketubah is not a marriage license, and the ceremony by itself doesn't marry you.What actually makes a Jewish wedding legal: the license, a qualified officiant, witnesses, and the filing step couples forget.